It’s good to talk, isn’t it?

Bob Hoskins’ famous catchphrase from the BT commercial told us it was good to talk. Well someone also said that unless you have something interesting to say it is best to keep quiet, I think the latter is more sound advice.

We all have problems in life but it is how we deal with those problems that make it bearable or unbearable for those around us. In the past I have been that shoulder to cry on or the friend to lean on in times of trouble and I have relied on friends and family to listen to my problems but I like to think that I haven’t overdone it and bored my listener to tears (although that is for them to say).

Currently a friend of mine is having some problems and I listen to him vent his frustrations and talk of the future and what he plans to do when all his problems are behind him.

But you see the frustration is that most of it is talk with very little action.

I am currently in the middle of a ‘career break’ and have spare time. As it happens my friend has time free too. We are both bored and so we try to amuse each other by going out for the day or just talking over a cup of tea. The problem is that he talks and I listen and that dynamic never changes.

I have some problems of my own but I don’t tell people, with the exception of my sister and my girlfriend. The reason is because I don’t want people to start giving me advice that I don’t want and because most people, friends and family don’t really understand me and wouldn’t be able to sympathise with my problems.

Maybe I should take it as a compliment that some people do confide in me, I do try and give sound advice and almost never condone immoral behaviour or suggest rash courses of action or quick fixes.

But the problem has another dimension in that some of my friends don’t listen to me. I never really share my problems but I don’t want to listen to other peopleS problems without a break. I really do try to change the subject but at every opportunity and even without warning sometimes he changes back to the same channel. The problem is confounded by the fact that the problem has a time frame and he really can’t do anything to sort it out, he has to wait for other things to happen before he can move on and in the mean time my ears are taking a battering.
I don’t mind listening to friends problems, that is what we are for but a bit of consideration coming back the other way would be greatly received.

They say a problem shared is a problem halved, well if that’s the case then this problem must be tiny as it is shared regularly. I don’t want to be a bad friend but there is some truth to the proverb ‘Speech is silver, but Silence is golden’.